“You can also express gratitude by saying something like, ‘Thanks for meeting me — I know you’re so busy and I missed you!’” Dr. Brooks added. These small but thoughtful comments help open the door for an easy, authentic, and positive interaction.
4. Ask follow-up questions that invite more than one-word answers.
“Small talk is about being interested, not interesting,” Abrahams said. “A lot of us put pressure on ourselves to say something relevant or super important.” In reality, you don’t need to have a hot take on every topic or have the wildest stories in the room — a few follow-up Qs go a long way.
So what actually makes for a good one? For starters, both experts agree you should ask open-ended questions — meaning they can’t be answered with yes, no, or a couple of words. Instead, “get curious, especially about their preferences, experiences, what they dislike and like, how they’re feeling about it,” Dr. Brooks suggested. People love to feel heard, seen, and appreciated, so when you respond with genuine attentiveness, even a casual chat about everyday life can feel surprisingly personal.
Let’s say a colleague mentions visiting family this week. Don’t just say, “That’s fun!” and leave it there. Try, “What are you looking forward to most?” Maybe your partner’s friend brings up a new hobby they’re super into. That’s your chance to dig deeper by asking, “Whoa, what made you get into baking? Have you always had a talent for it?” or “What do you like most about yoga? Does it actually help you relax, or is it just a great workout?” When in doubt, you can also use Abrahams’s favourite line: “Tell me more about that.”
5. Let your personality shine by bringing your own experience into the convo too.
Of course, the best conversations aren’t one-sided Q&As. They’re balanced, which means both of you are talking, asking questions, and exposing bits of yourselves. Otherwise, the whole encounter will feel less like an enjoyable chat and more like a formal interrogation.
With that in mind, don’t be afraid to chime in with your own POV. If someone vents about the rain, for example, Dr. Brooks suggested using it as an opportunity to jump in with your own hot take (“Really? I actually find it kind of cosy!”) or even better, pivot to a more personal detail (“I used to hate it too, but now it gives me an excuse to curl up with a book”). The same goes for restaurants, shows, movies, music, or hobbies: Once they share something they’re into, both experts recommend adding your thoughts…without making it all about you. So instead of launching into a 10-minute monologue about your Love Island opinions, keep it balanced by bringing it back to them: “Wait, if you love messy reality TV, you need to watch the new season of The Ultimatum too — have you seen it?”
“Making yourself vulnerable by disclosing these details makes them much more likely to share more about themselves too,” Dr. Brooks said. And that’s the ultimate goal of good small talk: to create a genuine back-and-forth you’re actually engaged in, not some awkward formality you’re itching to escape.
This article originally appeared on SELF.
