Parents often are not prepared for the various transitions their children go through while growing up. For them, they are always there little bundles of joy that can never lie to them, but as they become full-fledged human beings, their various behavioral patterns become overwhelming for parents to handle. In order to help parents deal with such situations, Mandy Grass—who goes by @thefamilybehaviorist on TikTok—has shared a technique known as the “5-minute rule,” through which both parties can get a chance to communicate without any anger or raised voices. In her own words, the technique is a sure-shot way that “guarantees calm conversation,” and the video has garnered more than 225k views.
Grass explains that the five-minute rule in parenting essentially involves a child asking for five minutes from their parents, where they can discuss anything on their mind. The TikTok user further points out that it was something that her parents did with her when she was a kid. The concept helped her in having a healthy upbringing and fostering a positive relationship with her parents, therefore, she wants to incorporate it into her parenting.
In the video, she says, “Basically, you could ask for five minutes at any time and it guaranteed a calm conversation. Usually, five minutes was to confess to wrongdoing.” Grass, a behavior analyst, further revealed that as a child, she asked for five minutes from her parents every time she wanted to have a conversation devoid of any kind of fear and judgment. She stresses that it is essential that parents adhere to their share of the bargain and ensure that the conversation does not have any aggressiveness.
Grass explained what she and her parents did, “So growing up, I could say to my parents at any time, ‘Hey I need five minutes,’ and they would sit down, and they would listen, and there would be no yelling, no screaming, it would be a calm conversation.” The technique is not at all meant to be a free pass for the children. They still have to suffer consequences for any wrongdoing they commit. But this process ensures that the conversation regarding it is done peacefully with no screaming and more understanding.
Grass elaborated, “This did not mean no consequences. Usually, there was a logical consequence. You know, usually had something to do with the behavior you’d engage in. For example, I snuck my phone. I might lose my phone. I snuck out. I might lose going out that weekend, that sort of thing, but it guaranteed no explosive over-the-top conversation.” In the video, she shares that even parents can use the technique if they want to confess anything to their children. Giving an example, she says, “For example, my daughter came down and said, ‘Hey, where’s my artwork?’ And I said, ‘I need five minutes. I think I cleaned it up. I think I threw it out when I cleaned up the counter. I’m really sorry.'” Similarly, her daughter also asked for five minutes when she wanted to confess about using makeup. This technique ensures that both parties can remain open with each other and have no fear in terms of communication.
The comment section was all in awe of the method and shared their experiences. @morgan_mack revealed the approach applied in her household, “I grew up with the “truth candle!” When it was lit, we were allowed to tell our mom anything without receiving a consequence! It was amazing!” @sarahstoll16 validates the benefits of the method, “We’ve implanted our kids and it’s been game-changing!!!! We have a kid who would take lies to his grave!! Been so helpful for us and him!!”
You can follow Mandy Grass (@thefamilybehaviorist) on TikTok for more lifestyle content.
Editor’s note: This article was originally published on August 25, 2023. It has since been updated.
